A future wrecked by divorce
(Nigeria) By Odimegwu Onwumere
Tom Ugo is not his real name. He was 4 years old when his
parents were divorced in 2012, because of what they said were their
irreconcilable differences. Ugo did not go to school in the preceding year due
to the quandaries that the divorce had degenerated into.
Ugo’s family resided in Oyigbo, a suburb of Port Harcourt,
the capital of Rivers State, during the time of their troubles. His parents
fought over who should take custody of Ugo. While doing so, they did not take
into cognizance the sermon by experts on marital challenges that parents'
divorce will mean breaking of trust among their children. Also, they did not
mind the matrix that says what is on the mind of every child is to see their
family being stable and last with love.
Given the situation, Ugo’s parents were not in the near to
recognize the anxiety their separation from marriage was causing him. His hope
was shattered. No professional counselling or approaches seemed to be in place
to tame and manage the experiences of Separation Anxiety Disorder that
supervened. Ugo’s parents later went back to court and were cleared on who
should take custody of the young boy. Making clear the security and care for
Ugo by the court Ugo will go to school again by living with his mother.
Ugo had to start going to school again in 2014. Although,
Ugo’s mother won the custody of keeping Ugo, the impact of the divorce was
still visible. The young Ugo was always upset by the issue of separation. He
hardly kept useful routine at home. This was because he could not maximize the
benefits he needed from both parents he would have loved to live together.
Unpredictability and poor structure caused by the separation of his parents was
quickly weighing him down.
What is the origin of divorce? Has it a history? Divorce is
as old as the origin of human family relationships. Some early history of
divorce was traced to Europe around 1857; and in that early era, only men were
permitted to divorce. In this period of time, there was Matrimonial Causes Act.
This act allowed ordinary people to divorce. Though all men were presumed to
marry and divorce, the right to divorce through the Act of Parliament was only
opened to the rich. Divorce was hugely an expensive social occurrence then.
From Henry VIII to White v White as reported on Saturday 19 September 2009
investigation by a broadsheet, Henry VIII was granted a divorce by the
Archbishop of Canterbury, long before then. Church courts retained the power to
dissolve marriages.
Conversely, whichever institution that retains the autonomy
to dissolve marriages, psychoanalysis by a Gimba Abdullahi Liman on June 15
2012 expressed the concern of one Mrs. Maryam Mohammed Madam, a Sociologist, in
the Department of General Studies, Federal Polytechnic Bida that divorce has
negative effects on children's education. It highlighted the impact of
physical, emotional, cognitive, moral and educational effects on the children.
Liman in his summation, added that the single parent no longer has ample time
for the children and they fall victim of many antisocial behaviours from peer
groups. Parenting as a single household is increasingly under pressure to do
better and save children faced with stressful lives of here today with a mother
and there tomorrow with a father in shared time lines.
Coming to terms with a high rate of divorce in society these
days, many children in Nigeria are being exposed to divorce that many had to
repeat class over and over. In the event that children from divorced
backgrounds did not drop out from school in its entirety, a child is easily
trapped with poor school performance and repeating of classes. They are
subjected by their parents’ divorce to experience rejection, trouncing of love
and bodily injury. In school, they show traits of urchins, because they were
not given attention and, are made to be unhappy. The impact of divorce on
children is no easy emotional and stressful development.
Such children with divorce experiences may engage in drugs
and other social crimes such as petty stealing, suicide, murder. They suffer
the psychological and social issues of their parents’ divorce anywhere they
went. Some of them show serious mental health outcomes to deal with. The
consequence of which will give their school authorities a handful of troubles
that they cannot contain. Many suffer from delayed learning process; while
others who are not in bodily contact with each of their parents, may fail to
equal the level of the educational achievements of their parent.
The list of challenges on children caused by divorce is a
long one. The least of the effects that children of school going age may suffer
in divorce situations in Nigeria can range from poverty to traumatic health
imbalances. In the so-called civilized climes, children who are suffering from
psychological traumas, as a result of divorce, are subjected to undergo
psycho-educational testing. But in Nigeria they would be dropped out of school,
due to the lackadaisical approach with which governments at all levels handle
the issues pertaining to educators and parents.
Apart from that there is hardly any role of the government
to determine the life of a child's uneasiness at school. Just recently, the
Director of the United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural
Organisation, UNESCO, in Nigeria, Professor Hassana Alidou at a launch of the
Education For All, EFA, Global Monitoring Report, GMR, said that Nigeria has
some of the worst educational indicators in the world.
UNESCO’s representative in Nigeria disclosed that the menace
is already costing governments $129 billion a year; ten per cent of the global
spending is on primary education, yet, hardly a child out of four children can
read a single sentence or solve a simple mathematics. UNESCO feared that it
would take poorest young women in developing countries of Asia and Africa until
2072, for all to be literate.
This is coming after the body lamented in a report that over
10 million Nigerian children of school age are not in school. It is observable
that children from divorced homes have inattentive and uncooperative manners
and are beleaguered at school. And while these children suffer learning
processes, hardly has any school in the country appropriately engaged a school
psychologist that could examine the child and offer some appropriate counseling
measures in order to place the child properly in school.
It is known that some schools attempt to say they have
school counselors, who may have read such courses at school, but they are not
professionals, who could have responsibility of a department, as observers and
analyzers of troubles associated with behaviours of concern related to divorce
at school. Factors that most times put the children’s academic future in danger
could be itemized under frivolities of divorce.
Lately, a 50 year old business man whose name was given as
Mr. Saliu Adesokan reportedly implored an Igando Customary Court in Lagos to
dissolve his 17-year-old marriage to his wife, Jumoke Adesokan, for switching
his children to Christianity. According to comments credited to Mr. Adesokan,
he had enrolled his children in an Islamic school, but his wife withdrew them
from the school and took them to church. But the wife, whose age was given at
45, said that it was the children, who on their own preferred attending church
and, that she had no hand in their choice for church.
Investigation revealed that Mr. Adesokan had divorced his
first two wives claiming that they had bad conduct; a case that Jumoke said
that her step daughters were making life depressed for her and had turned her
into a knocking bag. According to her, “If I report them to my husband, what he
always says is that leave them, they will soon go to their husband’s houses, he
will not even scold them.”
On March 5, 2014, Mr. Yusuf Abdulkareem, an Ilorin Upper
Area Court Judge, apparently decried the high rate of divorce in the country
and how it is disadvantageous to the future of children. Abdulkareem made this
disclosure in Ilorin. He informed newsmen: “Children get wayward and unsecured
as soon as their parents dissolve their marriage, because two good hands are
better than one in training a child. You see children going into prostitution,
armed robbery and other terrible acts just because their parents are no more
together and they see themselves as being hopeless.”
The irony of divorce is that while the couple enjoys the
attention they sought for in the hands of the authorities, the children do not,
from such marriage. It is visible that children respond to divorce differently,
depending on their gender, age and juncture of development. They have a feeling
that since their parents could not stay together it was imperative that they
did not love themselves.
Divorce is a current social crisis in Nigeria that is
affecting children's education. From across the regions – East, West, South and
North – the story is the same. Northern areas of Nigeria continue to be hit by
the nuisances of insurgents and divorce. The plague called almajiri could not
be a product only created by the Islamic education system in the north, but,
also, by failed marriages and family values.
Freshly, the Federal Government of Nigeria under the
leadership of President Jonathan Goodluck government instituted Almajiri
Education Programme in order to tackle the menace. But how seriously the
nineteen states in the north and the Muslim clerics are that the almajiris
utilize the school system modeled in a Western education form, does not meet
the eyes.
According to a source: “The nineteen states in the north
have had little success in containing the problem of the almajiris, facing
strong resistance from Muslim clerics in the more traditional Muslim states of
the north against any policy that is seen to restrict the operations of Islamic
schools that are the source of these almajiris.”
The source was worried that the high rate of divorce in that
region of the country is telling on children. The source also informed that
since Muslims form the large part of the population of the north and are
authorized to marry more than one wife, polygamy is rife “with 38% of those in
rural areas and 22% of those in urban areas in polygamous marriages.”
Not even the religious and civic and traditional orders on
marriage have helped the Nigerian children from being the most affected in
divorce. Such children will most often hawk and beg, on the streets, to augment
their income for wellbeing. The Universal Basic Education scheme (UBE) has a
limit in funding the basic school, let alone, the children who are financially
constrained.
It is unclear how the Matrimonial Causes Act enacted in 1970
has saved or is saving marriages in the country. The Act was primarily
formulated to address the issue of dissolution of marriages under three
separate laws. Social pundits apparently regret that what the Act had mainly
focused on was to register more marriages than to solve the problem of
dissolution of marriages.
One Rita Gonyok who was a youth corper with National Press
Centre, Abuja, on 10 July 2008 advised that parents who propose to divorce
should take their children’s security and their stability into consideration in
order not to jeopardize their future. She warned that there is no loss that is
heavier and that could be measured in both parents and the children than that
of contested and devastating divorce.
She frowned at divorce because, according to her, it causes
the children untold stress, complications in sleeping, problems in schooling,
nervous habits, recurring physical behaviours, and a relapse of episodes of
behaviours. The dangers of such emotional stresses will result in bed-wetting,
fears, and at randomly taking solace in undesirable pastime activities to wreck
their future.
In Gonyok’s strong view, children may become clingy and
whiny and they may need greater understanding of their moods and behaviour. She
warned that children have a greater need to be nurtured; but failure of which
may in turn impose greater need to "take care" of their parents. She
added that giving up one's childhood to care for emotionally troubled parents
is an all-encompassing characteristic outcome in children of divorced family.
The outcome of disturbed emotions translates into behaviours
of concern that impede learning and positive contribution to one’s society.
This is more noticeable among children challenged with circumstances of their
parental divorce. By experiencing children faced with sporadic and planned
divorce, educators in Nigeria must truly find ways to work with professionals
in the field of child education and complex needs to make them better persons
through balanced psychological, supportive and positive behaviour approaches.
Odimegwu Onwumere is a Poet/Writer based in Rivers State
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